Rabbi Reisman's Shiurim

Tonight's shiur was about nichum aveilim and how to do it properly.
Many thanks to Shmueli who lent me his laptop, saving me at least an hour so that I don't have to re-type it. However, due to the late hour and the two hour minimum that will be required to edit it properly [and save myself from repeating the disaster I sent out late last motzaei shabbos kodesh] I will have to post it either tomorrow or Monday,b'ezras HaShem.
Again, thanks for visiting and GUT VOCH TO ALL!
-MB

Ah, the benefits of vacation! See, I'm giving hoda'ah on this, the Yom Hoda'ah in America. Hoda'ah that I had the afternoon off and learned a couple of more hours today...And that from the time I would have otherwise spent driving to yeshiva, college, and home, I was able to type up this shiur for your enjoyment!
I now present you with the first shiur from last year [tape 90 from Parshas Bereishis, 5763, October, 5, 2003]entitled, "Disappointments." Many thanks to Jeff for lending me his tapes.
Imy"H I'll post this week's in a few days!
Enjoy, and as always, comments and questions are always welcome!
Have a wonderful shabbos,
-MB

This shiur is based on Malachim II, perek 16

We will be learning about Chizkiyahu HaMelech-a man of greatness. In perek 18 it says, "after him there was no one like him in malchei yehuda and there was no one like him before him." Of all kings he is the greatest-he returned klal yisrael to do teshuva more than anyone else.

At this point-in perek 16-he's not alive. We learn about his father, Achaz, who was king before him. Achaz is the son of Yosam-a righteous king. Achaz was king for 16 years and didn't do righteous things in G-d's eyes and didn't follow in the path of malchus bais david. We learned about many kings that were bad but those were mostly in malchei yisrael, not malchei yehuda. Achaz behaved like the kings of the ten shevatim: his son was put in the fire of Molech-one of the most disgusting forms of avodah zara, a lo ta'aseh that's repeated twice in the torah. He brought sacrifices not in the bais hamikdash, rather to bamos all over eretz yisrael. He was a rasha, the son of a tzadik, who eventually had a son who was the greatest of all!

Many years ago I was first introduced to the writings of Reb Tzadok HaKohen. One of the first pieces in Tzidkus HaTzadik I learend was about the fact that Achaz was such a rasha and his son was so great. Reb Tzadok says that Achaz tried to prevent Jews from learning, closed yeshivos, and said that if the young people don't learn they'd be able to stop learning in klal yisrael. Yet because he was so evil he became the kli/vessel that was prepared for greatness; by doing aveiros he caused the inspiration that brought greatness into the world.

Reb Tzadok speaks about this quite often. Sometimes there are things which are bad and are disappointments-they seem to be a yeridah/falling, but in fact are turned around and become opportunities for greatness. When Yosam saw his son, Achaz, go off the derech of torah it caused him great feelings of disappointment. For anyone, certainly a leader in klal yisrael, to see his own son be pulled after avodah zara and rebel against limud hatorah, it caused great agmas nefesh. Yet, that disappointment somehow was ultimately an opportunity for greatness.

In Poked Ivrim-page 16b-it says that if HaShem knows that someone will have a child who turns out to be a rasha and there won't be a drop of greatness or holiness in his children for eternity, the child will not be born because HaShem wants only good and whatever happens is good. ["Kol man d'avid rachaman l'tav avid"]

We say "gam zu l'tovah"-in nisyonos/tests of illness, poverty, disease, death, pain we usually hear people saying that. We don't understand it, but somehow this, too, is for the best. Reb Tzadok is saying that when a ruchnius/spiritual disappointment happens-i.e. someone has a child who 'falls off the derech'-can we say gam zu l'tovah? Yes, this is actually an opportunity for greatness!

Achaz had a son, Chizkiyahu, who was "the bachelor of shas and nach. He didn't get married and the navi rebuked him for it. Chizkiyahu said he didn't want to get married because he saw in ruach hakodesh that he'd have a son, Menashe, who would be a rasha. HaShem said, through the navi, that it's not your business, you have to have the child anyway! Reb Tzadok says that Chizkiyahu failed to understand that even in the disappointment in children like Menashe there is ultimate good.

He says, "when hashem gives us children, there will certainly be ultimate good. Menashe did aveiros/sinned but ultimately Mashiach ben David will be his descendent. Even Menashe, according ot the gemara, turned himself around and has a chelek in olam habah." Even in spiritual disappointments there is ultimate good.

In parshas Bo, it talks about having children who will say "mah ha'avodah hazos lachem/what is this work for you" the people will bow and thank HaShem because they were told they'll have children. One child says "lachem"-"lachem v'lo lo/for you, not for him." Reb Tzadok says that in every child HaShem creates there is ultimate good.

That should give us chizuk for the disappointment life invariably brings. We go through many disappointments in ruchnius but the message that's lying in those disappointments is the inherent potential for greatness. We don't often hear this. As we struggle with the nisyonos, we should have the security of knowing that somehow it's "gam zu l'tovah" and that HaShem is "borei umanhig l'chol haberu'uim/the creater and leader of all the creations." This security should give us strength even in the moments of disappointment.

There's a second areas when its difficult to say "gam zu l'tovah." Trouble for klal yisrael, for example, as we've suffered in the past few years through the tzaros/troubles in eretz yisrael. For the troubles in galus/exile, can one say "gam zu l'tovah?" What do we really want? "L'avd'cha b'emes/To serve You truthfully." We want to raise children to serve You. We want peace in eretz yisrael to build a land of torah and kedusha. Can we say "gam zu l'tovah?"

Reb Tzadok says in Tzidkus HaTzadik that most people say that the month of Av is the month of "hester panim/hidden face;" that He hid himself and the bais hamikdash was destroyed. Reb Tzadok says no, it's actually the month of "gilui panim/revealed face." HaShem told klal yisrael that we had an obligation and that it was time to pay up the debt. He destroyed the bais hamikdash and sent us to galus so that ultimate good can come from it. In parshas Ki Sisa it says, "lo yirani ha'adam v'chai/man cannot see my face and live"-when He revelas himself, there are nisyonos.

Reb Gedalya Shur-in Likutei Shemos-asks who went down to galus mitzrayim/the exile in Egypt? We know the galus was meant to bring klal yisrael to a greater level like when you smelt metal to remove its impurities. Seventy tzadikim gemurim/pure righteous people went down. Who left? 80% weren't fit to leave and died in makas choshech/the plague of darkness. The 20% that left were on the 49th sha'ar of tumah/impurity [they were one notch from the bottom-the 50th]. Can we say that the seventy tzadikim that went in were purified and that those who left-who were "at the bottom of the barrel"-were the result of a purification process? Where's the goodness? Yes-somehow in the tzaros/troubles, there's tov/good.

The Nesivos Shalom writes of Avraham davening in a failed attempt to save the cities of S'dom and Amorah/Sodom and Gemorah. However, when he's informed that his children would be in galus-and Rashi adds that he's actually told about all the galuyos/exiles klal yisrael would go through-he doesn't daven. For S'dom he davens, but not for us?

Reb Tzadok says that within the pain of galus somehow there's an opportunity for greatness.

Rav Hutner-in the Pachad Yitzchak on Pesach, ma'amar 71-says that klal yisrael is the one nation that had a gezeirah/decree for galus/exile before we even achieved nationhood. We think of galus as a punishment; you sin, you go to galus. But it's more than that. There's a purpose in tzaros/troubles we suffer, even the spiritual ones. We must find try to find a purpose in it because within the disappointments we suffer in galus there's a great opportunity for aliyah/rising up. For example, from the yeridah/decline of Achaz came a period of greatness.

A third area in which it's difficult to say "gam zu l'tovah" [in addition to raising children and trouble in galus] is when experiencing disappointments in ourselves; trying to be ovdei HaShem/servants of G-d, working hard and failing. We really want to learn properly and somehow we can't stick with it. We want to be talmedei chachamim/great scholars yet we forget our learning. We oversleep shachris in the morning, miss minyan in the evening-these are terrible disappointments. Regarding nisyonos/tests of "sur meirah/stay away from bad," where we fall into doing things that are just plain wrong, Reb Tzadok sees an opportunity for greatness. The times a person falls to such depths that he has no desire to learn is preparation for a great aliyah, for greatness. The pasuk says "vayis'u mi'refidim, vayavo'u midbar sinai/they traveled from Refidim, and they approached the Desert of Sinai." They went from "rafu yedeihim in limud hatorah/throwing their hands up in learning torah" and came to matan torah. When you fall into aveiros/sins and you're "sur meirah/stay away from bad," you'll have the opportunity to be "asei tov/to do good."

Darkness outside, for example, is often followed by rain; gishmei bracha/rains of blessing are preceeded by a perception of darkness. When a person has a time of yeridah/falling-when the learning isn't going well, a bad year in yeshiva etc.-it's an opportunity to strive and grow.

When a person wakes up in the morning he's called a "beriya chadasha/a new creation." But to become a new person you have to go to sleep first. If you have moments of failure, you're asleep at the wheel of avodas hashem and you struggle for a long time-from that can come an opportunity to really be an eved HaShem/a servant of G-d.

Reb Tzadok says that the main part of teshuva/repentence is when HaShem enlightens you that your sins should become zechusim/merits-meaning that you can recognize and understand that all of your sins were also b'ratzon hashem/in G-d's will! What? Aveiros/sins are an opportunity for avodas HaShem/service of G-d? Disappointments in ruchnius/spirituality bring people to despair. For example, many young men who quit learning do so because they go through periods of disappointment and can't pick themselves up afterwards. The fact that there are people who have even learned in kollel who are ba'alei batim who don't have a regular seder of learning every day comes, to a great degree, from suffering disappointment-it doesn't work, they're disappointed, see themselves as falling, and are unable to pick themselves up again.

Many sifrei musar say that if you're tested, you can do it. Reb Tzadok disagrees. He says, "sometimes a person can be given a test that's so difficult that you can't avoid sinning." Sometimes you face a nisayon and your failure is preordained. That's encouraging. However, we never know which nisayon/test we can withstand; we can't put our hands down to the yetzer hara/evil inclination because of this.

Rav Hutner-in Pachad Yitzchak, igeres 9-explains this concept: people sometimes have nisyonos/tests they can't withstand. This concept is based on the pasuk, "ain tzadik ba'aretz asher lo yecheta/there is no righteous person in the land who does not sin."

We assume that when you have a nisayon/test that you can't withstand, it must be that there's a punishment afterwards. One of Rav Hutner's students asked how, if you can't withstand the nisayon, are we punished? The answer is an approach that is central to Jews in galus who are bound to have disappointments in avodas HaShem/service of G-d. Disappointments in wealth, health, shalom bayis-those are usual whether we have the mikdash or we're in galus. But in galus we're so much more prone to the yetzer hara of society around us and the disappointments of failing in avodas HaShem and of having children who fall. When a person falls in avodas HaShem, it may have been a nisayon he couldn't withstand but he doesn't know which one he could and which he couldn't withstand. When HaShem gives you a nisayon, your obligation is to regret the failure, turn it around, and do teshuva.

In shemona esrei we say "harotzeh b'teshuva/You, who desires repentence." Why not say "hamisratzeh b'teshuva/You, who agree to repentence." Why does He want teshuva? Wouldn't He rather we don't sin at all?

No. HaShem gives each of us our own nisyonos-He wants us to be disappointed, to struggle, to fight against it, to do battle, and that struggle is the point of the yetzer hara.

Rav Hutner brings a proof from Shimshon HaNazir, whose eyes were blinded by the Pelishtim/Philistines. Why? The gemara says it was becuase "he went after his eyes" in marrying Pelishti women. But it says that his parents were unhappy with the shidduch and didn't know that he had no choice; that this was actually a nisayon he couldn't withstand. HaShem wanted him to marry these two Pelishti women. But if it's a nisyaon he couldn't withstand, why was he blinded/punished?

Rav Hutner answers it wasn't because of the sin, it was becuase he didn't struggle even though he couldn't withstand it; he should have struggled, fought and because he didn't he was punished.

Reb Tzadok brings the case of Yehuda and Tamar. Yehuda sinned by being mezaneh with a zonah. How did that happen? It was a nisayon he couldn't withstand. No one says that he was punished because he couldn't withstand the nisayon. What was the nisayon? A few months later when Tamar said 'recognize that I'm pregnant and recognize from whom I'm pregnant'-had Yehuda fallen into failure he wouldn't have said 'tzadka mimeni.' His greatness was that although he failed, he continued to struggle, to fight, to be oveid HaShem as it should be, and when the opportunity presented itself he said "tzadka mimeni."

When the bones of Yehuda were unsettled in the midbar and Moshe davened, Moshe said that Yehuda said "tzadka mimeni" and Reuven did [and all of klal yisrael learned] teshuva because of that-because of that his bones rested.

Our nisayon, like Yehuda demonstrated, is to continute to struggle. Each of has our own disappointments in avodas hashem; we each struggle and fail. In "asei tov" we fail-concentrating in our learning, showing up on time to seder, building on our sedarim, having kavana during davening, and doing chesed. And in "sur meirah" we also fail. It's more private and personal, but we each fail into one "lo ta'aseh" or another because we're afraid to struggle.

Disappointment breeds despair. Yet we need to know that in our failure is an opportunity for greatness. Iin every yeridah we should know that we're a kli that's prepared for an aliyah gedolah.

We live in a time when we want things to be easy. We live in a generation that doesn't want to fight; we want everything to come easily. People have chavrusas and it doesn't work out. Do they try to find another? No, they sail along with one the one that doesn't work because the alternative is just too difficult to confront.

When I was dating, a guy went out with a girl a few times, decided he wanted to marry her, and proposed. There was a certain suspense in proposing. The gemara in Kidushin [2b] says "derech ha'ish leileich achar ha'isha/it's the way of the man to go after the woman." It's not like this today. No one wants to be disappointed. Before the guy proposes he knows through the shadchan that she'll say yes and that she's ready to get married. "We're sissies. What happend to derech haish?" We dont want to struggle.

When I started teaching in yeshiva five or six years ago there was a boy in my shiur who had just returned from eretz yisrael. He struggled a lot. His learning wasn't going well, chavrusas didn't work out, he switched chavrusas, didn't understand shiur, fell behind, came late, overslept, and didn't do well on tests. But he kept coming over and telling me that he could learn as well as anyone; that he was matzliach/successful in eretz yisrael, and he'll get it back soon. He told me but I didn't see it.

After pesach we started a new perek, he switched chavrusas, he had great hatzlacha, and he's still learning today-five, six years later, even late at night. He struggled. We live in a generation that finds this difficult.

In the beginning of Vayishlach Rashi says that there's a difference between Esav and Ya'akov. One said "yesh li kol/I have everything," while another said, "yesh li rav/I have plenty." One used the proper langauge, one didn't. I didn't know which one was good-is it "kol" or "rav?"

A year ago I had a guest in my home who was part of an entourage from eretz yisrael when Prime Miniter Sharon came to New York. He said that they stayed in a fancy Manhattan hotel whose porters were the "cream of the crop." He asked his thirty year veteran porter how things have changed over his tenure.

The porter said, "we only have wealthy customers in this hotel. Thirty years ago when a rich man came in, he looked me in the eye, smiled, greeted me etc. Today they don't look me, they look away, and make believe I'm not even here. Why? Thirty years ago they felt secure; they knew they were rich. Today there's an abundance of insecurity. It's the 'dot-com generation;' here today, who knows where you'll be tomorrow. They feel like they still have to prove themselves." They can't associate with the porter; they need the yuppy dress, the yuppy car, and everything else to show who they are.. they're insecure.

Ya'akov said "yesh li kol." He's secure. Esav said, "yesh li rav"-I have plenty, but I've got to keep going. The midah of Yaakov is security. We need to feel greater security in the borei olam who loves us, watches us, looks at us. Even when you fall on your face in avodas hashem, he's still standing over you. He gives you nisyonos you can't withstand, but our job is to have a desire to be better afterwards.

Chazal say, "gadol shimusho yosair milimudah/serving a talmid chacham is better than learing from one." The one who learns is limited; he can only learn up to a certain level, can't ever hit the 49th sha'ar of binah. But the desire, the drive to be matzliach-that has no limits. You can desire to be Moshe Rabbeinu. You can want to daven as best you can. Your desire can be as great as can be.

That's the avodah-the avodah of falling; of not being matzliach in learning, yet having a desire to learn; a desire to get back up and do it agian. To oversleep davening and kick yourself the next day. From that we can achieve greatness.

In gemara Rosh Hashana-the fourth perek-we learn about Reb Yochanan ben Zakai-one of the greatest leaders klal yisrael ever had, certainly the leader of his generation. He decreed nine things that helped klal yisrael adjust to the churban habayis in his time. After detailing the nine takanos, the gemara asks who was he? The first forty years of his life he was a businessman. After that he learned for forty years. At the age of 80 he started to teach.

Who knows how much he struggled in the forty years of business? Who knows how many times he failed in trying to have a seder, in trying to learn and daven etc? Year after year he failed, and then for 40 years he learned-he had disappointments, and after all that he picked himself up. Who could lead klal yisrael in the generation of the churban? The mikdash was destroyed, the Jews in galus, so many died. Who but Reb Yochanan ben Zakai, who knew that HaShem wants struggles, could teach us "gam zu l'tovah?"

The greatest leaders came from a background of failure. Often it's not the "goodie goodie" who behaved perfectly through grade school "who got all the stars" who achieves greatness. It's usually the one that persevered who does.

When raising chidren, there is no greater disappointment than to have them drop out of yeshiva, are unsuccessful etc. Can we say "gam zu l'tovah?" It's difficult, yes. But from falling can come greatness-from Menashe come mashiach. The disappointment parents feel must breed a desire in ahavas hashem, it must breed a closeness to hashem.

Haman was from Amalek and yet he merited to have his offsrping learn torah in Bnei Brak. Chazal say its because he was a rasha but his rish'us caused klal yisrael to come closer to HaShem. His rish'us brought klal yisrael to a higher level, to a level of teshuva and because of that, came an aliya. From the darkness came light.

When klal yisrael was in Mitzrayim, we reached the 49th sha'ar of tumah. Had we stayed longer, we'd have no hope. When did HaShem take us out? Bnei Yisrael were crying to HaShem from the bottom and their cries went up to HaShem-He heard their cries, and he knew it was time. Because from the greatest yeridah we were prepared for aliya.

A boy in yeshiva who's on the right derech, learns, goes to mesivta with night seder, learns in bais medarsh 12, 14, 16 hours a day but eventually maxes out. He can't keep adding a seder every year. After a while he becomes a masmid. In contrast, someone who has a year of failure-he struggles, he falls, and now has an opportunity to rise and be great again. His desire could result in greatness. Boys who have a bad year in 6th or 7th or 8th grade-the next year is great if the parents have patience. If when he hits 11th or 12th grade, or bais medrash he's struggling or fails, he throws in the towel. Ba'alei batim are the same way-they feel like they're "over the hill." When you're 20 or 25 you think you're done. Your life seems to be set up-this is how much I must learn, this is where I'll be etc. What a tragedy! A person must always continue to struggle! From disappointments must come moments of greatness. Those who have struggled in not having a seder, in not getting up for minyan, in struggling with "sur meirah"-all the aveiros are ratzon hashem! Even aveiros are for us to struggle and fight to grow even more. After getting through the thick and bitter peel, you hit the sweet fruit. Reb Tzadok says that in order for a seed to grow or for an egg to turn into a chicken, something must rot in order for something to grow afterwards. Nothing in the world grows wihtout experiencing a certain degree of destruction. That's the message of Achaz and Chizkiyahu.

I have edited some MAJOR mistakes from the original posting [the email I sent last night]. I'm considering not sending it out late motzaei shabbos so that I have time to read it over and edit it properly on Sunday. For now, I apologize if you read the email and were totally confused, this version should be a bit more clear.
Thank you for your continued support, tizku l'mitzvos,
-MB

May the learning of this shiur be a zechus for the refu'ah shelayma b'karov of Avner ben Leiba, HaKohen, as well as all other cholim in klal yisrael.

This shiur is a "hard-core" lumdus shiur. That is both a warning of what lies ahead if you sometimes have trouble with these kind of shiurim, or a sign of 'good times to come' if you enjoy them. For those of you that know me well, you're 100% correct-I did absolutely love this one, including the "Brisker Torah" in the second chakira. It will be difficult to translate some words simply because they're just terms used when learning things like this, (and it's late and this will take a while and it's easier for me not to translate) but I'll do my best. I don't know that I will be able to type it over as well as Rav Reisman, shlit"a, gave it over in person so if you find anything confusing or unclear, please don't hestitate to write back or call me with questions. As always, general comments and questions are appreciated also.

[This shiur is based on Melachim II, 22:18]

We discussed the nevuah [prophecy] of Chuldah HaNeviah last week; a woman who was one of the greatest women in history who had a gate named after her in the Bais HaMikdash [Sha'ar Chuldah]. Chuldah sent Yoshiyahu a message that the words read from the sefer torah found in the Bais HaMikdash at the "tochacha" gives a bad message but because he submitted to HaShem by doing teshuvah and ripping kriah, he'll get a reward. [What reward? We'll find out next week.]

In pasuk 16 Chuldah refers to, "divrei hasefer asher karah" [the words of the book that you read] while in pasuk 19 she says (in prophecy), "b'sham'acha asher dibarti" [when you heard that which I said].

Chazal derive from here that there is a din [law] of "shomai'ah k'oneh" [literally, "listening is like answering"]. In Succah, daf 38b [about two thirds of the way down, if you'd like to see it inside-I checked most of the sources as I typed this to make sure I got the quotes right], it says:
Amar Rav Shimon ben Pazi, amar Rebbi Yehoshua ben Levi mishum Bar Kafra, minayin l'shomai'ah k'oneh? Dichsiv, "Es kol divrei hasefer asher karah melech Yehudah." V'chi Yoshiyahu kara'an? V'halo Shafan kara'an-dichsiv, "vayikra'eihu Shafan" [22:10]. Ela, mikan l'shomai'ah k'oneh.

So said Rav Shimon the son of Pazi, Rebbi Yehoshua the son of Levi in the name of Bar Kafra, how do we know about the law of 'listening is like answering'? Because it is written, "all the words of the book which the King of Judea read." Did Yoshiyahu [the King of Judea] actually read it? Didn't Shafan [the kohen] read it, as it's written, "And Shafan read it"? Rather, we see from here that 'listening is like answering.'
When it comes to a mitzvah that requires speech, although I am obligated to do it, if someone does it on my behalf and I listen with the intent to fulfill my obligation, I can fulfill it. This applies to situations like kiddush, havdalah, birkas hamazon, tekias shofar, and it's the reason we have chazaras ha'shatz. Under the chuppa, the mesader kiddushin should be motzi the chasan with his beracha of hagafen but the chasan's usually too busy saying tehillim. "He should've said tehillim before, now it's time to listen." [For those of you who merited to hear the mussar of Rav Shachter, shlit"a, this past Wednesday night, do you think he told Rav Reisman, shlit"a, about this? ;) ]

We'll consider this "lumdishe" halacha utilizing the following three chakiros:

1)
Is this din of shomai'ah k'oneh one of shlichus [shlucho shel adam k'moso] (one of representation, "the messenger of a person is like himself") like we find by bedikas chametz, and tefila [by chazaras hashatz, where if a person has kavana, they can just listen to the shaliach tzibur and be yotzei tefilah that way]? OR Is it a totally seperate din that if I listen, it's like I said it?

To clarify this chakira, we will consider two nafka minos [cases that can help illustrate the machlokes]:

A] Is it preferrable to do a mitzvah by yourself over having it done by a shaliach? If I'm a guest in someone's house one Friday night and the host makes kiddush for me, I can be yotzei with his kiddush, but is it better if I do it myself? This question is disputed in the achronim:

The Netzi"v-Ha'amek Shaila 154:2-says it is a din of shlichus. Therefore, since kiddush is a din b'gufo [it's an obligation for each person], even though I can make you my shaliach, it's better to do it myself.

The Gr"A-quoted in the introduction to the Binyan Shlomo-allegedly was careful to read megilas esther and parshas zachor himself. From this we could infer that he held like the Netzi"v.

Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt"l, according to Rav Reisman, shlit"a, didn't believe the story. [Rav Reisman, shlit"a, had the merit of driving Rav Moshe, zt"l, somewhere and someone asked him about the story regarding the Gr"A, and Rav Moshe, zt"l, said he didn't believe it. We'll consider some contradictory information later on.] What's wrong with relying on this halacha that's sanctioned in the gemara? He, obviously held that shomai'ah k'oneh is not a din of shlichus.

The shulchan aruch-orach chaim, siman 8, se'if 5-says that "if there are two or three people that are putting on their talis' at the same time, they all make the beracha; and if they want, one can make the beracha and the others can answer 'amein.'" The Mishnah Berurah argues, and says-se'if katan 13-"from this it sounds like it's better if they all make the beracha [individuallly], but in truth, its just the opposite. L'chatchillah [I don't know how to translate this word, other than, perhaps, preferrably] it's better for one to make the beracha and be motzi the others because of "b'rov am, hadras melech" [with more of the nation, it's more glory to the King], although we don't have the custom to do this now, possibly because not everyone is knowledgable enough to have intention to fulfill the mitzvah.

B] A person who was an onein [someone whose close relative has died but has not yet been buried. This person is not obligated in mitzvos and cannot make berachos until after the corpse is buried and the period of 'shiva' begins.] during shabbos does not make havdalah after shabbos [instead, he does it after the funeral, on Sunday]. What if a person didn't know this halacha, and instead of making havdalah himself, he got someone to do it for him, unknowingly employing the din of shomai'ah k'oneh? He was yotzei, but if it's a din of shlichus, and "ein shaliach l'davar aveira" then maybe not. The Har Tzvi says that this case is dependent on our chakira.

2)
A]The Tzl"ach-Berachos 21b-says that if someone makes havdalah and I'm listening with the intent to fulfill my obligation with your recitation, I'm yotzei. Is it as if I said it? OR Is it that you said it but I'm yotzei through shmi'ah [listening] to your amirah [recitation]?

Nafka Minah: When a person is naked, he can't make a beracha but can think divrei torah. What if a person makes a beracha, and a naked person nearby hears him, can the latter be yotzei? If hearing is like saying it, then the latter can't be yotzei. But if the latter is just yotzei the former's recitation, perhaps it should be allowed?

Mishnah Berurah-siman 85, in a long se'if 29-says that it would not work because the person listening can't make the beracha himself.

If a person is still davening his amidah when the shaliach tzibur reaches kedusha [most of us are well-versed with this one!]:

Rash"i [quoted in Tosafos-Berachos, 21b to Succah, 38b] says that you should stop, listen, and be yotzei kedusha with the chazan via shomai'ah k'oneh.

Tosafos-Berachos 21b [the BIG one, you can't miss it, dibur hamaschil, "Ad shelo yagi'a shaliach tzibbur l'modim"], quoting Rabbeinu Tam and the R"i-says "just the opposite, because if you follow shomai'ah k'oneh, it's a hefsek if you're quiet [and are yotzei with the shaliach tzibur]. (Nevertheless, the nation is accustomed to being quiet, and listening, and great is the custom"].

Tzl"ach attempts to reconcile the seemingly opposing views: Tosafos holds that shomai'ah k'oneh means that you're actually saying it; Rash"i holds that you're yotzei with the shaliach tzibur's recitation; you're just listening because listening isn't considered an interruption.

[Mahar"sham wonders if a person who is cutting their nails or tying their shoelaces (both situations that would require netilas yadayim before making a bracha) can be yotzei with the beracha of another person considering our machlokes.]

Mishnah Berurah holds that shomai'ah k'oneh is as if you said it yourself, like Tosafos. But we say that you can be yotzei with the kedusha of the shaliach tzibur!?! [As an aside, after the shiur an elderly gentleman pointed out to Rav Reisman, shlit"a, that he discussed this issue seven years ago (!!!) and posed the question of Rav Ovadya Yosef, shlit"a, whether when listening to the shaliach tzibur, you must elevate your toes for "kadosh, kadosh, kadosh" like you would if you were saying it yourself.]

Har Tzvi says that it's not so simple that we paskin like Rash"i. He says that in shemona esrai where the person wants to be yotzei with the shaliach tzibur, he waits and either he's yotzei or he's not yotzei. But in a case where a person is davening ma'ariv on motzaei shabbos kodesh in the same place that they're making havdalah, can he pause in his amidah, listen to havdalah, and be yotzei? Har Tzvi says no, because we're choshesh [we're concerned; suspect] like Tosafos and the person should make havdalah over again.

These two chakiros are taluy [dependent] on each other: According to the Mishnah Berurah, listening to you is like I said it. That's not shlichus. The Netzi"v says that I am yotzei with your recitation and it is shlichus.

At a kiddush on shabbos, for example, people often consume foods that are mezonos and hagafen, obligating them in a beracha achrona of "al hamichya v'al hakalkalah; al hagefen, v'al peri hagefen." However, some only eat mezonos, or make kiddush on something that is "shehakol", like whiskey, for example [though I saw that Rav Simcha HaKohen Kook, shlit"a, chief Rabbi of Rechovot, was makpid this morning to make kiddush on wine]. If, at the conclusion of the eating, a person who drank wine says "al hamichya v'al hakalkalah; al hagefen, v'al peri hagefen" but you only ate foods that were mezonos, can you be yotzei even though there are extra words in the beracha of the person who's being motzi you? After all, the words "al hagefen, v'al peri hagefen" should be an interruption to the beracha you're obligated to make!?!

Sedei Chemed-chelek 6, pages 399-402-says that it depends on our machlokes. If I'm yotzei with your words [it's a din of shlichus], then I'm not yotzei. But if shomai'ah k'oneh is like you're saying it, then I can be selective and be yotzei with the words that are relevant to me. [The Mishnah Berurah would hold that you're yotzei, while the Netzi"v would hold that you're not.]

3)
Can one kohen say the words of nesi'as kapayim ["duchaning"] with another kohen next to him listening being yotzei like shomai'ah k'oneh?

To illustrate this seemingly far-fetched case, Rav Reisman, shlit"a, provided a story:
A boy had developed a polyp on his vocal chords and his doctor told him of two ways of dealing with it: he could either have surgery to fix it, or not speak for two weeks and hope that would heal it. ["This is great practice for marriage, I told him!"] He could be yotzei all of his berachos via shomai'ah k'oneh. [Yes, even "asher yatzar"! This boy was in yeshiva, so all he had to do was wait outside the bathroom with a sign asking the next person who came out to say it out loud with kavana for him to be yotzei and by his listening, he'd be yotzei.] But what about nesi'as kapayim?

This question is a famous machlokes between the Bais HaLevi and Netzi"v.

Bais HaLevi-the end of Bais HaLevi al HaTorah on Sefer Beraishis-one chacham says yes, just like shomai'ah k'oneh everywhere else. No! Shomai'ah k'oneh means that when you say it, I say it! By neis'as kapayim, the kohen must say it "b'kol ram" [in a loud voice]! If you say it, you can say it b'kol ram, but I can't listen b'kol ram! So I must say it myself.

Netzi"v-via the Chazon Ish-there's no problem. Shomai'ah k'oneh is being yotzei with what you said; so your b'kol ram is like my b'kol ram. Netzi"v says it's shlichus so your saying it is like my saying it.

Tzafnas Panai'ach [the "Ragatchover"] brings down the following two cases in regard to this machlokes:

1] On Purim by the aseres b'nei Haman, the ba'al koreh pauses to allow the congregation to say the names in one breath to themselves. The Mishnah Berurah says there's no source for this custom.

2] On Purim by the aseres b'nei Haman, those names are written in large letters. The Gr"A asks why?

According to the Bais HaLevi, the kohen can't be yotzei the recitation of the words of another kohen. By aseres b'nei Haman can the congregation be yotzei? If you need a "neshimah achas"-one breath-how can I be yotzei through the ba'al koreh, by holding my breath as he holds his!?! So we say it to ourselves like the kohen says it b'kol ram to himself.

But in order to be yotzei, the words must be said directly from a kosher megilla. That's why the names are written in big letters-so that they could lift up the parchment and have the entire congregation read the names off the megila. However, the Netzi"v held that the congregation could be yotzei with the reading of the ba'al koreh, and as we already know [aside from Rav Moshe, zt"l], the Gr"A held like him, so he didn't have the big letters in his megila.

If I make a beracha and are being motzi you in the following scenario: If I am being motzi you on atifas talis but between the time that I make the beracha and the time I actually put the talis on, I am mafsik, thus requiring a new beracha, do you need to make a new beracha also? After all, one can't be yotzei with a beracha l'vatala!

The Mishnah Berurah, Peri Megadim, and Magen Avraham all hold that you're yotzei because I'm yotzei with shomai'ah k'oneh, not with your beracha.

After a person makes havdala, everyone always says "shh!" until the person who made havdala finishes drinking from the cup of wine. But we know that even if he spills the wine before drinking, we're still yotzei! [While waiting to ask Rav Reisman, shlit"a, a shaila after the shiur, he agreed that this question applies to kiddush and eating bread after being yotzei with someone else's hamotzi also.] He even saw Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt"l, bring down this opinion without explanation! ["No, it's not because 'when in doubt keep your mouth shut.'"]

Some additional halachos that arise from Chuldah's halacha of shomai'ah k'oneh that are especially relevant to women:
If a woman becomes a widow and wants to be yotzei kiddush with her grandson, for example:

Shulchan Aruch and the Mishnah Berurah there-siman 281, se'if katan 3-says that you can only be yotzei a mitzvah d'oraysa if the boy is above the age of bar mitzvah and has shnei sa'aros. "A boy who's 13, 14, 15 can't be motzi." And a katan can't be motzi a woman, and even if he is thirteen, we're meichash [we're concerned] that he doesn't yet have shnei sa'aros and we don't rely on the chazakah that he does.

This is only if she hasn't davened ma'ariv yet, so she's still chayaves mi'd'oraysa. But according to the Magen Avraham [I think that was who he quoted, I'm not 100% certain], as long as she has already davened ma'ariv, she has already fulfilled her chiyuv d'oraysa and kiddush at home becomes merely a chiyuv d'rabanan which the boy can be motzi the woman with.

Ramba"m paskins that women are obligated d'oraysa in havdala and therefore needs a gadol for that, too.

Mishnah Berurah-286, se'if katan 86-If a man made havdala or was already yotzei in shul, he can't go home and be motzi other women. This is because, "contrary to the popular misconception," women can make havdala. The minhag of women not drinking from the cup of wine does not negate the obligation to do it when there are no men around.

The biggest error regarding shomai'ah k'oneh is not listening properly. If you make kiddush while daydreaming, you're still yotzei. However, if others are listening to you and daydreaming, they're not! We must pay attention when trying to be yotzei through others. "Perhaps, therefore, youngsters should make kiddush for themselves because often they're not listening properly." [Rav Reisman, shlit"a, commented after the shiur that his father made him say kiddush himself once he passed the age of bar mitzvah and encourages his children and guests to do the same. Additionally, whether or not you can ask a host to make your own kiddush in case they perceive it as an afront to their own performance, should be analyzed on a case-by-case basis, provided that the host is a ben torah and understands what you're doing.]

Gut voch!

21 Cheshvan, 5764

I'd like to dedicate the notes on this shiur l'iluy nishmas all the "Bubbe's" and "Zaide's" who were niftar over the generations and helped mold us, our families, and our nation as a whole. May their neshamos have an aliyah.

[This shiur is based on Melachim II, 22:12]
Last week we learned about Yoshiyahu HaMelech who ordered the Bais Hamikdash to be refurbished. In the process of doing so, the kohanim found a sefer torah that was up to the tochachah in parshas bechokosai though it was put away at parshas beraishis. [This, I now understand, is how he got into the whole discussion regarding Goral HaGr"a.]
Yoshiyahu took five people and sent them to a navi to find out what it meant because obviously "Gd's fury was great" and klal yisrael wasn't following the mitzvos properly. The five men went to Chulda HaNaviah in Yerushalayim. She said, "So says HaShem..." [We will focus on her response next week, imy"H]
The gemarra asks [he didn't specify where, sorry!] why the men went to Chulda when they should have gone to the Gadol HaDor, Yirmiyahu. We can find three answers to this question:
Rashi: A woman has more rachmanus so they thought it would be better to go to Chulda instead of Yirmiyahu.
Maharsha: They knew they'd get the same answer from both people, but because women are rachmanios, they hoped she would daven for them and perhaps get a better answer.
[This might actually be the gemarra's answer]: Yirmiyahu was sent on a mission. For over one hundred years the ten shevatim were in galus and Yirmiyahu was trying to bring some people back to Eretz Yisrael, at least a few from each "shevet' to come back to Yehuda and Binyamin. ["She'holech l'hachzir aseres ha'shevatim."]
We must understand the significance of his mission. There must be members of each shevet of klal yisrael living in eretz yisrael. We know that no shevet will ever be completely destroyed. ["G'miri d'lo kala shivta"] Does it really matter if, when a churban happens to klal yisrael, r"l, that the victims not come solely from one shevet? When so many are victims of the churban, it shouldn't destroy one shevet in particular, but rather it should take from several or all shevatim? What's the difference if it affects all of klal yisrael anyway?
Perhaps we can understand it based on the Magen Avraham in shulchan aruch, siman 68 regarding minhagim of tefila. He quotes the Ari"Zal and says that the minhagim we have in basic parts of davening should not be changed because there are twelve gates in shamayim through which our tefilos pass-one for each shevet. There's room for each shevet's minhag, don't change it just because another person may not share your custom. Each shevet represents a shvil/mehalech, a path, in avodas HaShem, and each remains valid.
The Ta'amei HaMinhagim says that a shul should have twelve windows [or at least twelve], to signify the twelve gates through which our tefilos pass through in shamayim.
How do we know that each shevet has its own mehalech that is acceptable?
We can find three ramazim from the Torah that seems to affirm the acceptance of this idea:
In the medrash on sefer bamidbar, Bamidbar Rabbah, chazal, z"l, are quoted in regard to the korbanos the nesi'im brought in parshas naso as saying that even though each nasi brought the same exact korban on behalf of his shevet, each shevet had its own kavanos, each had its own mehalech.
At krias yam suf there were twelve paths, one for each shevet.
Moshe Rabbeinu, before his petirah, wrote thirteen sifrei torah. One went into the aron hakodesh and the other twelve were distributed equally among the twelve shevatim. This is a hint that each shevet has its own mehalech within the halachos of the Torah.
We also know that each shevet had its own unique flag when traveling in the midbar, there are twelve months in the year-one for each shevet [there are chasidus sefarim that focus on the power of each month and its relationship to the corresponding shevet]. Each shevet had different midos:
Shimon and Levi were kana'im, zealots
Zevulun-the working person who supports Torah.
Asher-a farmer, avodas hakarka
Yehuda-royalty
Each path can bring a person closer to HaShem. Rav Tzadok, commenting on Succah daf 27, says that no shevet didn't have a navi or shofet; in each mehalech we can achieve excellence.
The Ma"lbim on parshas vayishlach 35:22 quotes a yesod of the Ari"Zal: the mekubalim have taught that Menashe and Efraim should have been born to Ya'akov, and there should have been thirteen shevatim instead of twelve. But because of the sin of Reuven in switching Ya'akov's bed, they weren't born. The Mal"bim also repeats this in parshas vayechi.
The thirteenth path was obscured until Ya'akov said, "Menashe v'Efraim, k'Reuven v'Shimon yiheyu li." There are twelve months in the year that correspond to the twelve shevatim, but sometimes we have a shana me'uberes, a leap year; Moshe Rabbeinu wrote thirteen sifrei torah, giving one to each shevet, but hid the last one in the aron; Eretz Yisrael was first split into twelve portions but when mashiach comes [bimheira biyameinu!] there will be thirteen. We see the thirteenth path is hidden. The Maha"ral quotes the Ari"Zal in reference to the word "echad:" The aleph refers to shevet Levi; the ches refers to the eight children of Rachel and Leah; and the daled refers to the four children of Bilhah and Zilpah. That adds up to grand total of thirteen!
What is this hidden thirteenth path?
Rav Hutner, zt"l, says that the bracha of Ya'akov included Menashe and Efraim to include them in the promise that no shevet will ever be destroyed. Why, in shemona esrai, do we say "umaivi go'el l'venei v'naihem"? Why do we need the geulah to go to the grandchildren, why not the children straight up? Because each shevet will have a representative at the time of the geulah and this now includes Efraim and Menashe.
So if we know that each shevet represents a different path, what is the path of Efraim and Menashe?
The relationship between a father and son is that of the perfect mesorah as we see, "Shema b'ni musar avicha..." Yet that relationship by nature has friction. Parents always have difficulty with children following their guidance, their path. It's frustrating; "tza'ar gidul banim." In fact, when Ya'akov spoke harshly to Reuven, Shimon, and Yehuda, Yehuda got so frightened that he almost ran away. The thirteenth path is from the grandparent to the grandchild; from Ya'akov to Efraim and Menashe. The thirteenth path doesn't have that friction and the mesorah is passed along easier. In fact, Efraim and Menashe got their bracha from Ya'akov before Ya'akov's own children! The Zohar says this is because of this special relationship. We know that the bracha by which our father 'bentches' us begins with, "Yesimcha Elokim k'Efraim, v'chiMenashe." Why not inlcude all twelve shevatim? When a father 'bentches' his daughter, he beings with, "Yesimcha Elokim k'Sarah v'Rivka, Rachel v'Leah" representing the four paths of the matriarchs. Why not do the same for guys? [Interestingly, when looking in my father's Yom Kippur machzor from his father from Europe to get the exact quote for girls, there is no text for girls; only for boys, from the Chayei Adam. I had to look in the Artscroll which obviously had both.]
Rav Hutner, zt"l, answers that it's precisely because of this special relationship, this special path. It has less difficulty, more beauty and happiness. That's why Ya'akov referred to Efraim and Menashe before his own children and why we get "bentched" invoking their names, not of the shevatim.
We live in an unusual period. When I [R' Reisman] was growing up in yeshiva in the 60's, very few people had grandparents. Our parents didn't have their parents, and we didn't have grandparents. The next generation [our generation] had European grandparents that went back to a different era and have something so unique to give over-stories from the shtetl etc. Now there are purely American grandparents who grew up in the same place, age [so to speak] as their grandchildren. For them, there's no magic of the shtetl to tell over to the kinderlach as the flag of the mesorah; there's no training for them. Yet it's the bracha. What is the avodah of this 'new' relationship? "We need a grandparent guide just like we have parenting guides nowadays, except this relationship is easier. This guide will come from cha"zal."
What is the relationship? Is it one of many relationships we have? When ranking relatives in order of closeness, would we say that spouses, siblings, parents, and children preceed grandparents? No.
Cha"zal express it in halachic terms: "B'nei banim, harei haim k'banim." Meaning that grandchildren are not merely grandchildren; grandparents are not merely grandparents. This can be illustrated by examining various halachos:
First we'll examine the mitzva of "peru u'revu." It is a mitzva d'oraysa for a man to have a son and a daughter. If, r"l, his son dies during his lifetime he must remarry if necessary and try to have another son. However, if the man's son had a son of his own before he died, then the father did fulfill the mitzva. If a man has two daughters one of whom has a son, he does not fulfill the mitzva. What if the man has a daughter and a son who has a daughter before dying? The gemara in yevamos says he did fulfill the mitzva because "b'nei banim harei haim k'banim" and "b'ra k'ra d'avuha"-a piece of the son is still alive through the grandson; the grandson is an extension of the son. [Though from this case there is no son to be considered "b'nei banim" perhaps this answer is referring the case before in which the father did have a grandson from his son.]
What about the halachos regarding yerusha, inheritance?
When a man dies with two sons, one of whom had children but died before his father's death, the dead son's child(ren) [the man's grandchildren] inherit just like the man's living son does.
Rambam rules that just like it's a mitzva to teach a son Torah it's also a mitzva to teach a grandson.
Shulchan Aruch haRav rules that a father must teach his son Torah. If he can't, he has an obligation to pay someone to do it for him. If a father is unable to pay the tuition bill the chiyuv is transfered to the grandfather.
The Kesef Mishna considers the following case: does the obligation of the grandfather to pay for his grandson's talmud torah apply similarly to his granddaughter?
The Sha"ch asks why not? Just like "b'nei banim harei heim k'banim" so too "b'nei banos!"
Perhaps the answer is that a grandchild is like a piece of the child. A daughter's son is part of the daughter. Since there's no obligation to teach the daughter Torah, her son will share her status and the grandfather won't have the obligation on the daughter's son.
A son who cannot be called by his father's name [I didn't catch the specifics of the case here] is called by his grandfather's name. "Ploni ben 'whatever his grandfather's name is.'"
In shulchan aruch we know that when a miracle happens to a person, they're obligated to make the bracha of "she'asa li nais b'makom hazeh." This obligation transfers to the son ["she'asa nais l'avi b'makom hazeh"] and the grandson ["she'asa nais l'avi aba b'makom hazeh"] but not to the great-grandson.
There's a cures of "tza'ar gidul banim" and grandparenthood is devoid of this curse. The grandparent enjoys the grandchild without the worries of parenthood; its an easier transmission of the mesorah. The parent/child relationship necessitates criticism. Sometimes it's overdone but the child needs the parent's guidance. A grandparent, in contrast, is not critical of the grandchild. For example, for a grandparent to comment to a grandchild of marriage-able age, "Nu, so why aren't you married yet?" like [s]he did to the child "Nu, why isn't your homework done?" is not appropriate and does not add anything to the relationship.
Before they become grandparents, parents are accustomed to being critical; after all, they've filled the role of parents for the last "X" number of years, they're used to it and can't shed it so easily. But within them, when grandchildren come, there's a special place for a special type of love. We see this from Ya'akov, who gave brachos to his grandsons before his own sons.
How does one transform from a critical parent to somone who gives unconditional love so fast? It doesn't happen overnight. HaShem gave us a training period that always occurs after the child is married and before the grandchild is born-it's called a son/daughter-in-law. We're critical of our children but we definitely shouldn't be like that to our son/daughters in law. One shouldn't treat their son/daughter-in-law "just like I treat my son/daughter" because you "notice everything about them, whether its real or imagined." You should treat them like grandchildren, not with lolly pops-though that might help [he was definitely talking about me! :) ]-but with the love without the curse.
The S'fas Emes lost his parents and was living with his grandfather, the Chidushei Harim. One night the S'fas Emes stayed up all night learning and decided to daven vasikin and then go to sleep. When his grandfather woke up and saw him sleeping, the Chidushei Harim woke up the S'fas Emes and gave him a lot of mussar regarding the importance of waking up for shachris, the importance of waking up for minyan etc. At the end the S'fas Emes answered that he was up all night learning and davened at vasikin before going to sleep. His grandfather asked why he didn't tell him before all the mussar. The S'fas Emes said that he needed it anyway. "It's not a miracle that the S'fas Emes acted the way he did. It would be if our children acted that way!" He also said that "The love of a grandparent and grandchild comes from having mutual a adversary!" It's a certain path of love, a magical atmosphere, a parenthood without the curse and the constant anxiety.
A grandparent has a responsibility to be available for the grandchild, to not criticize the grandchild, and one more thing:
The grandparent is a special, almost fantasy-like person; a person about whom the grandchild only sees good. The grandparent must make it possible to appear wise and act in a distinguished manner, commanding respect along the way to fulfill the child's fantasy. We know that a grandfather is called a "zakein" in the Torah-with age comes wisdom. Grandparents must strive to achieve that "binah yesaira."
There's a gemara that relates that R' Yochanan stood for a 70 year old gentile man and was asked to explain his action. "Do you know how much experience he has? With that comes wisdom."
The Torah [it's one of the "shaish zechiros"] commands us: "V'hodatem l'vanecha ul'venei vanecha yom asher amad'ta lifnei HaShem Elokecha b'choraiv." We must teach our grandchildren about the day we stood at Har Sinai. This is a special relationship in which teaching grandchildren Torah is like the day we received it at Sinai. A father teaching his son is like Moshe Rabbeinu taught klal yisrael at Har Sinai. But a grandfather teaching his grandson is like HaShem giving the first two dibros to klal yisrael directly! To have that, the grandparent must be worthy of it-or even half worthy of it!
A person who had never come to my shabbos afternoon gemara shiur suddenly came one shabbos. I asked him why. He said that his grandson was by him for shabbos. Imagine that! That which years in yeshiva, rebbeim, discussions of gan edan and gehenom, multiple shabbos shuva and shabbos hagadol drashas never did, his grandson did in one shabbos!
There's a responsibility upon the grandparent to be worthy to live up to this.
The American grandparent can't tell stories about the shtetl; about taking a chicken from the backyard, bringing it to the neighborhood shochet and shecthing it, be we have wisdom, too. We can share our wisdom by talking, not lecturing. Our lives have many stories-it's the warmth in them, not the drama that's important.
It's a bracha to have the zechus to learn from grandparents and the child should be smart enough to come and listen. This is the hidden path.
There's an agadita gemara that relates the following story:
We know that it was acceptable for a man to leave his wife and child[ren] for years to learn Torah [R' Akiva did this]. Rav Chami bar bar Chana [I think that was the person, he said the name very quickly] did this but he knew the story of R' Chachina'i [who came home after many years and it was such a shock that his wife died on the spot] so he came to the local bais medrash and sent a message to his wife that he'd be home soon. While learning, a boy came up to him with a "shtark shaila." He felt bad, thinking to himself, "Who knows, maybe if I would have stayed home I would have had a son like this." He answered the question and went home. When his son walked into the house a short while later, the father stood up. The wife asked why her husband would stand for his son, R' Oshaya. Rav Chami responds, "v'hachut hameshulash lo b'meheira yinatek." The Mahar"sha explains: Where did R' Oshaya come from? Without his father for twelve years, his grandfather taught him and we know that "kol hamelamed ben bno Torah, k'eilu lamad mi'Sinai."
HaShem should bless up to receive from grandparents and as grandparents we should pass on the gentle, loving approach of parenthood without the curse.

14 Cheshvan, 5764

R' Reisman began talking about goralos, lotteries. He started out with the 'goral haGr"a' and the many instances its been used by illustrious gedolim like the "Alter of Slabodka," the "Alter of Navardok," the "Chafetz Chaim", the "Brisker Rav," Rav Pam zt"l and many others over the generation since the Gr"a. He asked, if we're not supposed to believe in mazalos and witchcraft etc, why do we believe in this? Had this been famous in the chasidish world, or been promoted by the Ba'al Shem Tov, then we rationalize it because they do 'stuff like that' [my quote, not his] and it would at least seem "normal." But the people listed were 'litvish', we don't really hold of this stuff! What's going on?!?
He then tried to equate the "goral haGr'a" to something in the gemara known as "paskin lo piska" [if I recall the term correctly], which is basically someone going over to a child and asking him what he's learning at that time. There are cases of this practice in seven places in shas. One very famous one is in gittin [I think its daf nun hey amud bais or nun vav amud aleph??] from the section we learn on tish'a b'av where someone walks over to a boy in yeshiva and asks him to tell him the pasuk he's learning. The pasuk was a negative one and is taken as a harbinger of things to come. Another case is found in menachos, and still another in chagiga [around daf tes vav, if I remember from when I learned it three years ago].
Still, just because it seems to be sanctioned in the gemara, what is the basis for this? How does it operate?
He said there is definitely a "ko'ach hagoral" and brought many examples of this, citing a "Teshuvas Chavas Ya'ir", and another case involving the Chafetz Chaim to prove that there is something certainly to it; it's not all made up. He concluded that its power lies in the fact that it is able to bring out things we wouldn't ordinarily believe. It sometimes helps us see what we need to do and the fact that the goral haGr"a is so widely accepted, when it's done we think the result is really min hashamayim.
He cited a personal example of a situation in which he was forced to make a certain decision and asked Rav Pam, zt"l, for advice. He said Rav Pam, zt"l, agonized over it for weeks and eventually told him to come to his house one Sunday morning with a brand new chumash without meforshim and they'd do the goral haGr"a [I missed the first few minutes, I'm wondering how this is done...please write back if you're familiar with the concept]. It turned out the pasuk said he should accept the offer. So he called and made arrangements. On Tuesday Rav Pam, zt"l, called back and said "Baruch HaShem, you don't have to do it, there are other reasons for you not to take it, you're 'off the hook'." "Baruch HaShem?!? Didn't the goral say that I had to accept it? Why is it good that I'm now 'off the hook?'" "Obviously you were meant to accept it on Sunday so you did that. But now that you accepted it, you put in your hishtadlus, and you don't have to do it. It's not a stirah [contradiction]."
Sometimes, Rav Reisman went on, we think we know what we want; we think we know what's best for us but are utterly clueless. "I thought, and believed, that that offer was best for me. At the time it was. It turns out that in the end it wasn't." Some people think that winning $200 million in a lottery is good for them. You know what? Who's to say that it's HaShem's will for you to win so much money? Will it necessarily benefit you as much as you think? When someone buys a ticket and they lose, "Good! You weren't meant to win anyway!" He further illustrated his point about certain things being shayach at certain times even when not being that way before with the following story [which was actually a repeat from a shiur from last year!]:
Rav Reisman knew a single guy in Torah V'das who was no longer learning in yeshiva full time and had an idea for a possible shidduch for him. He asked Rav Pam, zt"l, if he thought it was a good idea. So Rav Reisman went over and said, "I have an idea for a shidduch for ___" Before even telling him who he had in mind, Rav Pam, zt"l, cut him off and said "no." Ok, so he didn't. A few months later Rav Pam, zt"l, came over to Rav Reisman and asked about the shidduch. Rav Reisman wondered what changed. He was told that when he first had the idea, the guy was still thinking about a girl he had gone out with and thought he had a future with. She didn't feel the same way and had moved on. So long as she was single, he wouldn't give up hope. A few days before Rav Pam, zt"l, approached Rav Reisman, this woman had gotten married and now the guy was able to move on.
We never know what we really want. We never know what's truly the right answer. But the goral wasn't some mystical thing, rather it was able to bring out the penimius [the inside] of the person and give them the right answer for that time.
[I know, it might not all make sense, but I missed the beginning, so take it for what it's worth.]
Also, I'd like to share an idea I heard from Rav Moshe Meir Weiss, mora d'asra of the Agudas Yisrael of Staten Island Friday night in the name of his rebbe, Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt"l. Why do we say in "ahava rabbah" ["ahavas olam" if you daven nusach sefard] the words "...v'sain b'libeinu binah, l'havin, ul'haskil, lishmo'a, lilmod, ul'lamaid..." The first part makes complete sense: we want to be able to understand, listen to, and learn the amazing words of the torah. But why do we all say "ul'lamaid"? Are we all mechanchim [people who are involved in chinuch as rabbis, rebbeim etc]? I, personally, am in yeshiva, and though I may be able to help my chavrusa understand pshat in whatever we're learning that day, I don't think I'm teaching him anything per se. And for those who are not as immensely fortunate as I am to be able to be learning in yeshiva, for those who may not even be learning at all [chas v'shalom] during their day, why do they keep saying this seemingly irrelevant word in their tefilos every morning? Rav Moshe, zt"l, gave the following answer: even if you're not learning torah or teaching torah, you can still be teaching-just in a different sense. A person who is ethical in business, or is courteous on the road, or kind to someone, or smiles at the right time [always!], or helps another person out and teaches them proper midos, or makes a kiddush haShem-that's teaching. The other person will come to appreciate the torah, its teachings, and klal yisrael as a whole. Therefore, always stay positive and always look out for those ways to have positive impacts on others so that you can find a way for your tefilos to come true.

This site will be coming soon, b'ezras HaShem...just give me some time to type them and post them.